OTIS TWELVE PODCAST
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OTIS TWELVE FLASH
Read flash fiction
(very short stories) by Otis on the Flashing
In The Gutters site at http://tribe.textdriven.com/flash/category/otis-twelve/
News from Otis
about yet another award...
prestigious "award" has come my way.
For Immediate Release: (But no need to hurry)
The Nevermore Awards, a send-up of Mystery Writers
of America's annual Edgar Awards ceremonies, traditionally
takes place the night before the Edgars at Partners & Crime
Mystery Booksellers in Greenwich Village. (Just south
of 11th between 6th and 7th Avenues.) The Partners give
commemorative Ravens "...to real authors
for achievement in a variety of categories neither
dreamt nor dared by MWA."
The 2005 Nevermore "Raven" for achievement
in cliche-ridden, banal, graceless prose in an opening
paragraph of a Historical Mystery Novel goes to...
his entry "UNDER THE TEXCOCO STARS" – (The
third book in the "Aztec Amateur Sleuth" Series)
The winning excerpt:
Chimalpopoca’s hands were beginning to cramp.
He felt the knots tighten in his fingers
as he lifted yet another beating human heart above his
head into the bright Mexica sun that bathed the capital
city of Tenochtitlan. As chief priest and feathered celebrant
of the Coyolxauhqui Festival, Chimalpopoca had raised
a thousand such pulsating muscles since the ceremony
began at sunrise. Sighing to himself, he tossed the offering,
spraying its ochre fountain of
fading life, onto the steps of the pyramid
called Lihuicatl Xoxouqui, or "Blue Heaven," now
bathed ironically in the red of twenty thousand sacrifices.
It had been a busy day. The mob of
peasants, thousands of the unwashed macehualtin,
had cheered the dawn's blessing of Quetzalcoatl,
The Creator God -- The Feathered Serpent
-- The Founder of Agriculture -- Precious Feather Snake
-- The Road Sweeper, but now they grew restive as the
heat of the day beat down on their upturned faces. Chimalpopoca,
felt their unease, he knew
what haunted them, the depth of their fears. A
murderer wandered the streets and canals
of the city. Someone had slipped poison into the Emperor
chalice of sweet dark cacahuatt -- nectar
of the cocoa bean. Where
was the monster who would do such a thing? Chimalpopoca
thrust his flint knife into taut skin below the sternum
of the next victim's chest and wished
for this day to be over. "By the
bones of Coatlicue," he
thought to himself,
"I will bring this murderer to justice."
-the end- (and hopefully, not to be continued)
Now spreading his fame into the world of independent mystery bookstores,
frustrated mid-list writers, and publishing industry types with serious "issues," Otis
Twelve has once again proved that he is a writer without pride, artifice,
affectation, or professional judgement.
As he (metaphorically) lifted his "Nevermore Raven" in
the air in triumph he was quoted as saying...
"The measure of a man is oft times the
ridicule of his peers."
Love a little verbal slapstick with the Aztec vocabulary.
Almost too easy, but I've never shied away from the cheap
TWELVE WINS LIT IDOL CONTEST!
beat four finalists to win the second annual Lit
in the UK. His winning crime novel On The Albino Farm was
one of over 1000 entries in the contest. Congrats to Otis!
An email message from Otis:
22 Mar 2005 17:11:36 -0600
From: Otis Twelve
Subject: Otis is Lit Idol (bow before me)
I won Lit Idol.
Run a Google search for all the details. Sorry I hadn't gotten back to
you before now. Things are crazy. This is either the verge or a very
Otis 6 (Otis' son)
writes to his friends from Okinawa to boost support for our
favorite Crime Novelist
My son is sending this around (eeek bulk!) from his
on Okinawa.... so FYI....
for the mass email. I'm usually quite opposed to
these things, in fact, I believe this is the first
one I've ever sent out.
dad, under the pen name Otis Twelve [OMG - It's a
Pen Name?! ;-)], has been selected from a field of
approximately one-bajillion entrants to be one of
the final five on LitIdol. Yes, the name of it makes
it sound like a crappy reality-TV knockoff, and the
fact that Simon Cowell's [sic] brother is one of
the judges doesn't help, but it's actually just a
really big writing contest.
father submitted the first 10,000 words of his novel "On
the Albino Farm" to the contest, forgot about it,
and recently recieved an email to join the other
four finalists in London for the final contest. The
contest will be a reading of each of the entries
to be broadcast on the radio and TV (in England)
and the world internet vote accounts for 25% of the
can read more about the contest at:
what I need you to do, is go to:
you can read the bios of the finalists as well as
their 10,000 word entries. At the bottom of the page
is the voting form. Please go to this page, read
the entries, and vote for your favorite, as long
as your favorite is Otis Twelve's.
not sure when the internet vote ends, so do it now!
I'm guessing it ends on March 14th, when the final
event is held, but it may be sooner.
and pass this email along to everyone you've ever
met in your life, or... you know... something bad
will happen. Like I'll eat your first born. (unless
that happens to be me... in which case, I'll go to
grad school and make you pay for it... Mom)
for your help,
[Otis] Hang in and cross fingers.
Otis in the 5 Finalists for the 2004 Lit-Idol Contest
Heard of the "Idol" Contests, American
Idol, etc.? Well our own Otis Twelve is one of the finalists in the second
annual Lit-Idol contest in the UK. It
even has its own Crowell-brother! (Tony Crowell , brother of Simon. Had to
do some research here since I never watched any of these shows, but I understand
Crowell-posession to be 9/10th of an Idol event's legitimacy, or something...)
Oh, also, Brits cannot tell the difference between Iowa, and Ohio...
In any case, here is
the letter from Otis:
out the Lit
Idol web site. News should be released Friday
or Monday latest. I'm one of five finalists for the
2005 Lit Idol Competition at the London Book Fair for
my novel ON THE ALBINO FARM. The event is March 14.
And people can vote on-line. Check the site for details.
I'm still punching away at this quest. Thought you'd
like to know.
New Otis Material
on the Site!
At long last, and because I have been unemployed (this is now
over) I have gotten off my duff and turned several master tapes
of Otis material into .mp3 format. They are in the mp3 area
under the "masters" directory. Not all
of the Lance series' there are complete, but if I am forgiven for my extreme
tardiness and delinquency, perhaps Otis will loan me some more tapes to do
the same with.
the Albino Farm" was been Shortlisted for
the CWA "Debut Dagger" award!
It turns out that
Otis did not, in fact, win this award, but the British love
him (good taste) and he does have a great East Coast agent
publication of his books (he has now written 3) coming along well.
Thanks to Tom Kretzmer
for the Tape Jackets
I have a truly horrible scanner, so these are better than I could do right now.
Thanks again! - Matthew
Funny Reminiscience from fan Rob Reeder
Ah those days long ago.
Otis 12 DID have national coverage. Anyone who served on Offutt
AFB south of Omaha in the early 1980s was gathered around the radio..
They even played it for the generals in the underground SAC Command
post (bet Otis didn't know about that...) I used to have some recordings
of his program, but they were lost to mold.
Thank You for posting
this site. It brought back warm memories of youth... then again,
my youth sucked!
Stupid Larry! Reacquire
OTIS from the Void! I received this enigmatic, unexpected, and
welcome Email yesterday from Otis!
It is I.
Otis XII still lives!
I have moved to Walnut, Iowa a thriving hamlet of 897 souls.
I am working on a book. It is soon to be completed.
Soon I will have my revenge.
I am still flattered by the web site.
FYI The Ogden Edsl had a reunion last OCT. It was great fun. An Emmy Awardwinning
filmaker is producing a documentary about that strange evening
Stuff I didn't know about
Otis from a Fan
brother and I think it was either '77 or '78. I think the show
was on midnight
on Friday. It included different spoofs and stories each time.
One of the repeating sketches was "Newt and Paunch" who were
these two guys employed as "cattle rustlers" and "sewer de-odorizers".
They would argue about TV a lot (Newt: "What's on Paunch?!")
and then read the TV Guide listings which would be full of
very improbable and silly tv shows.
of the jokes were based on ridiculous radio ads, like a hypothetical "Worlds
of Fun for Nuns" ad where the announcer would describe the
wonderful time nuns would have at "Worlds of Fun for Nuns",
one ride would take them to the heavens suspended on "holy
gaudeloupe rope, your life in "his" hands", or the "near occasion
of sin roller coaster" which was a "real veil flapper sisters".