Otis Twelve / Otis XII










You can now subscribe to the Otis Twelve podcast and automatically receive nuggets of classic comedy on your computer every week! You don't need an iPod to join the fun, and there is no charge to subscribe ... all you need is a computer with a fast connection to the internet. (Click here to learn more about podcasting.)

http://feeds.feedburner.com/OtisTwelve is your key to the podcast -- use that URL in your podcatcher software to subscribe, or just go to that page to listen to episodes of Space Commander Wack, Lance Stallion, the Mean Farmer. You can also click this link to subscribe to the podcast (for free, naturally) using iTunes.

If you have friends who would enjoy the Otis Twelve podcast, be sure to pass the link along! http://feeds.feedburner.com/OtisTwelve is the place to be!



Read flash fiction (very short stories) by Otis on the Flashing In The Gutters site at http://tribe.textdriven.com/flash/category/otis-twelve/


News from Otis about yet another award...

[Otis] Another prestigious "award" has come my way.


For Immediate Release: (But no need to hurry)
The Nevermore Awards, a send-up of Mystery Writers of America's annual Edgar Awards ceremonies, traditionally takes place the night before the Edgars at Partners & Crime Mystery Booksellers in Greenwich Village. (Just south of 11th between 6th and 7th Avenues.) The Partners give commemorative Ravens "...to real authors for achievement in a variety of categories neither dreamt nor dared by MWA."
The 2005 Nevermore "Raven" for achievement in cliche-ridden, banal, graceless prose in an opening paragraph of a Historical Mystery Novel goes to...

Otis Twelve...

For his entry "UNDER THE TEXCOCO STARS" – (The third book in the "Aztec Amateur Sleuth" Series)

The winning excerpt:


Chimalpopoca’s hands were beginning to cramp. He felt the knots tighten in his fingers as he lifted yet another beating human heart above his head into the bright Mexica sun that bathed the capital city of Tenochtitlan. As chief priest and feathered celebrant of the Coyolxauhqui Festival, Chimalpopoca had raised a thousand such pulsating muscles since the ceremony began at sunrise. Sighing to himself, he tossed the offering, still spraying its ochre fountain of fading life, onto the steps of the pyramid called Lihuicatl Xoxouqui, or "Blue Heaven," now bathed ironically in the red of twenty thousand sacrifices. It had been a busy day. The mob of peasants, thousands of the unwashed macehualtin, had cheered the dawn's blessing of Quetzalcoatl, The Creator God -- The Feathered Serpent -- The Founder of Agriculture -- Precious Feather Snake -- The Road Sweeper, but now they grew restive as the heat of the day beat down on their upturned faces. Chimalpopoca, felt their unease, he knew
what haunted them, the depth of their fears. A murderer wandered the streets and canals of the city. Someone had slipped poison into the Emperor Acamapichtli's chalice of sweet dark cacahuatt -- nectar of the cocoa bean. Where
was the monster who would do such a thing? Chimalpopoca thrust his flint knife into taut skin below the sternum of the next victim's chest and wished for this day to be over. "By the bones of Coatlicue," he thought to himself,
"I will bring this murderer to justice."

-the end- (and hopefully, not to be continued)


Now spreading his fame into the world of independent mystery bookstores, frustrated mid-list writers, and publishing industry types with serious "issues," Otis Twelve has once again proved that he is a writer without pride, artifice, affectation, or professional judgement.

As he (metaphorically) lifted his "Nevermore Raven" in the air in triumph he was quoted as saying...

"The measure of a man is oft times the ridicule of his peers."


[Otis] Love a little verbal slapstick with the Aztec vocabulary. Almost too easy, but I've never shied away from the cheap laugh.



Otis beat four finalists to win the second annual Lit Idol contest in the UK. His winning crime novel On The Albino Farm was one of over 1000 entries in the contest. Congrats to Otis!

Lit Idol Press:







An email message from Otis:

Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005 17:11:36 -0600
From: Otis Twelve
Subject: Otis is Lit Idol (bow before me)


I won Lit Idol.

Run a Google search for all the details. Sorry I hadn't gotten back to you before now. Things are crazy. This is either the verge or a very chaotic waiting room.



Otis 6 (Otis' son) writes to his friends from Okinawa to boost support for our favorite Crime Novelist

[Otis] My son is sending this around (eeek bulk!) from his home on Okinawa.... so FYI....


Hello everyone,

Sorry for the mass email. I'm usually quite opposed to these things, in fact, I believe this is the first one I've ever sent out.

My dad, under the pen name Otis Twelve [OMG - It's a Pen Name?! ;-)], has been selected from a field of approximately one-bajillion entrants to be one of the final five on LitIdol. Yes, the name of it makes it sound like a crappy reality-TV knockoff, and the fact that Simon Cowell's [sic] brother is one of the judges doesn't help, but it's actually just a really big writing contest.

My father submitted the first 10,000 words of his novel "On the Albino Farm" to the contest, forgot about it, and recently recieved an email to join the other four finalists in London for the final contest. The contest will be a reading of each of the entries to be broadcast on the radio and TV (in England) and the world internet vote accounts for 25% of the final decision.

You can read more about the contest at:


But what I need you to do, is go to:


There, you can read the bios of the finalists as well as their 10,000 word entries. At the bottom of the page is the voting form. Please go to this page, read the entries, and vote for your favorite, as long as your favorite is Otis Twelve's.

I'm not sure when the internet vote ends, so do it now! I'm guessing it ends on March 14th, when the final event is held, but it may be sooner.

Oh, and pass this email along to everyone you've ever met in your life, or... you know... something bad will happen. Like I'll eat your first born. (unless that happens to be me... in which case, I'll go to grad school and make you pay for it... Mom)

Thanks for your help,


[Otis] Hang in and cross fingers.


Otis in the 5 Finalists for the 2004 Lit-Idol Contest

Heard of the "Idol" Contests, American Idol, etc.? Well our own Otis Twelve is one of the finalists in the second annual Lit-Idol contest in the UK. It even has its own Crowell-brother! (Tony Crowell , brother of Simon. Had to do some research here since I never watched any of these shows, but I understand Crowell-posession to be 9/10th of an Idol event's legitimacy, or something...)

Oh, also, Brits cannot tell the difference between Iowa, and Ohio...

In any case, here is the letter from Otis:

Check out the Lit Idol web site. News should be released Friday or Monday latest. I'm one of five finalists for the 2005 Lit Idol Competition at the London Book Fair for my novel ON THE ALBINO FARM. The event is March 14. And people can vote on-line. Check the site for details. I'm still punching away at this quest. Thought you'd like to know. -Otis


New Otis Material on the Site!

At long last, and because I have been unemployed (this is now over) I have gotten off my duff and turned several master tapes of Otis material into .mp3 format. They are in the mp3 area under the "masters" directory. Not all of the Lance series' there are complete, but if I am forgiven for my extreme tardiness and delinquency, perhaps Otis will loan me some more tapes to do the same with.


Otis Twelve's Book!

"On the Albino Farm" was been Shortlisted for the CWA "Debut Dagger" award!

It turns out that Otis did not, in fact, win this award, but the British love him (good taste) and he does have a great East Coast agent with publication of his books (he has now written 3) coming along well.


Thanks to Tom Kretzmer for the Tape Jackets

I have a truly horrible scanner, so these are better than I could do right now.
Thanks again! - Matthew


Funny Reminiscience from fan Rob Reeder

Ah those days long ago. Otis 12 DID have national coverage. Anyone who served on Offutt AFB south of Omaha in the early 1980s was gathered around the radio.. They even played it for the generals in the underground SAC Command post (bet Otis didn't know about that...) I used to have some recordings of his program, but they were lost to mold.

Thank You for posting this site. It brought back warm memories of youth... then again, my youth sucked!



Stupid Larry! Reacquire OTIS from the Void! I received this enigmatic, unexpected, and welcome Email yesterday from Otis!


It is I.

Otis XII still lives!

I have moved to Walnut, Iowa a thriving hamlet of 897 souls.

I am working on a book. It is soon to be completed.

Soon I will have my revenge.

I am still flattered by the web site.

FYI The Ogden Edsl had a reunion last OCT. It was great fun. An Emmy Awardwinning filmaker is producing a documentary about that strange evening and more.

I remain,



Stuff I didn't know about Otis from a Fan

My brother and I think it was either '77 or '78. I think the show was on midnight on Friday. It included different spoofs and stories each time. One of the repeating sketches was "Newt and Paunch" who were these two guys employed as "cattle rustlers" and "sewer de-odorizers". They would argue about TV a lot (Newt: "What's on Paunch?!") and then read the TV Guide listings which would be full of very improbable and silly tv shows.

Many of the jokes were based on ridiculous radio ads, like a hypothetical "Worlds of Fun for Nuns" ad where the announcer would describe the wonderful time nuns would have at "Worlds of Fun for Nuns", one ride would take them to the heavens suspended on "holy gaudeloupe rope, your life in "his" hands", or the "near occasion of sin roller coaster" which was a "real veil flapper sisters".


Click here to send questions, comments or suggestions to Matthew

Click here to contact Otis XII

Site Design by Collective Dream